August 28, 2006

Last Friday, I was dragged against my wishes by my three darling children to see Barnyard, the latest animated attempt at an Incredibles- or Cars-like masterpiece of humor for children perfectly mixed with humor for adults.

It was an atrocity from the very beginning. I’m not even going to try and write a fair review, because in my opinion, it doesn’t deserve even that.

I could probably have dealt with the predictable sappy plot, and the attempt at trying to please the adults as well as the children (there was exactly one scene, of perhaps 10 seconds, that made me laugh) if it weren’t for the male cows.

With udders.

Yesirreee. Male cows. With udders. With nipples that trembled and shivered and vibrated much too realistically with every movement. We got a lovely closeup of this quartet of nipplage during a particularly ridiculous scene where said male cow (the star of the movie, no less) is surfing down a mountain with his cohorts.

I wanted to leave right then, but I was stuck there for the next 60 minutes of trash.

Ugh.

So I write this as a warning to all of my friends with school-age children: no matter how much they beg, borrow and plead–and even if they are perfect angels the whole week you are trying to finish your book under deadline (which is how I had the privilege of going): don’t take them.

Save yourself.

August 26, 2006

I think I’m going to have to get a t-shirt to let International Astronomical Union know how I really feel. I’m leaning toward this one…but here are some other options.

August 25, 2006

You've probably seen the Beloit College's Mindset List–the list put together about this time every year that tells us about the generation that is starting college this year. It's disconcerting for someone from, say, the Class of 1985 to see things like:

11. A coffee has always taken longer to make than a milkshake. 25. Phantom of the Opera has always been on Broadway. 43. They are not aware that "flock of seagulls hair" has nothing to do with birds flying into it.

It just makes us feel old. But aside of feeling every creaking bone and joint, I got to thinking about the mindset of the people like me, who started college in the mid-80s, and the fact that this week alone, two major things have happened to tilt our world. Tom Cruise got fired this week. I think the The Mighty Have Fallen Those of you who know me well won't be surprised in the least to know I was not too broken up when guy's a good enough actor, but lots of his actual movies (ie, plots) have been the pits–and I'm not even going to mention his extra-curricular activities. My Music Man has refused to see a Cruise movie since we sat through the first Mission Implausible, as he calls it. I actually liked Top Gun (what hot-blooded gal of my generation didn't?–and if you're out there, please, weigh in!), mainly because Cruise's character reminded me too much of this guy I had (and still have) the major hots for. (Is this the appropriate time to come out of the closet and admit I've never seen Risky Business?) Despite his long, downward spiral in the last year, I'm still surprised that one of the biggest heart-throbs and box office stars since my teen years has actually bit the dust. (Heh heh heh. Another '80s reference there…get it? And think about who sang that. And why that's appropriate in TC's case.) Will there be another chance for Tom Cruise to take back his crown? I'm thinking…No. He and Mel Gibson are going to have to form a self-help club for '80s heart-throbs that self-destructed in the Summer of 2006. Why Don't You Pick on Someone Your Own Size Ever since I was in grade school, I've had a soft spot for the planet Pluto. It was so lonely and far away, and so very small. It was the underdog of the solar system. And now some very mean people, most likely emboldened by Paramount's canning of Mr. Cruise, have also fired Pluto. Talk about being discombobulated! Not only are Tom Cruise and Mel Gibson no longer welcome in Hollywood…but the whole solar system has been turned on its ear. My whole world has shifted.

August 25, 2006

Zeek asked: “Who is Gerard Butler?” What a great excuse for a Friday post, huh?

Gerard Butler was The Phantom in Webber’s The Phantom of the Opera movie. He was the hottest guy in Timeline, the one who stayed back in time. He was the guy in Tomb Raider 2. He was Dracula in Dracula 2000. And there’s more…but those are the highlights.

A lovely Scottish actor with fabulous legs, a helluva mouth, and a hot bod.

Now, Zeek, if you haven’t seen any of these movies, I recommend Phantom for the angstiest, broodingest hero ever!

August 23, 2006

Okay, so everything’s all mucked up with the Name that Hunk guesses.

So the answer is Gerard Butler, guessed immediately by Diane Perkins. (No surprise to me, or anyone here, I’m sure.)

Here’s the real pic: