March 17, 2008
With a name like Colleen Gleason, you have to know I'm wearing green today! And I'll probably treat myself to a really good corned beef and cabbage dinner at a local pub that does a great job every year (Champs, for those of you curious folk).
My Music Man and I were out and about on Saturday night, where all of the Irish bars were already packed with revelers. He dubbed it (at least, I think he did) St. Practice Day. *snort*
So, who's wearing green out there today?
Here are a few of my favorite Irish jokes….
Brenda O'Malley is home making dinner, as usual, when Tim Finnegan arrives at her door.
"Brenda, may I come in?" he asks. "I've somethin' to tell ya."
"Of course you can come in, you're always welcome, Tim. But where's my husband?"
"That's what I'm here to be tellin' ya, Brenda. There was an accident down at the Guinness brewery…"
"Oh, God no!" cries Brenda. "Please don't tell me…"
"I must, Brenda. Your husband Seamus is dead and gone. I'm sorry."
She looked up at Tim. "How did it happen, Tim?"
"It was terrible, Brenda. He fell into a vat of Guinness Stout and drowned."
"Oh my dear Jesus! But you must tell me true, Tim. Did he at least go quickly?"
"Well, no Brenda … no. Fact is, he got out three times to pee."
McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.
"S'cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done, "what was that all about?"
"Nothin', said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"
An Irishman who had a little too much to drink is driving home from the city one night and, of course, his car is weaving violently all over the road.
A cop pulls him over. "So," says the cop to the driver, "where have ya been?"
"Why, I've been to the pub of course," slurs the drunk.
"Well," says the cop, "it looks like you've had quite a few to drink this evening."
"I did all right," the drunk says with a smile.
"Did you know," says the cop, standing straight and folding his arms across his chest, "that a few intersections back, your wife fell out of your car?"
"Oh, thank heavens," sighs the drunk. "For a minute there, I thought I'd gone deaf."
Got any more to add to my list? Share in the comments!
And a Happy Birthday shout-out to MaryKate! Have fun getting the you-know-what!
