April 16, 2008
You know, vampires aren’t the only supernatural creatures that live indefinitely, hypnotize humans, and have pointy body parts. While Colleen is flitting around the Romantic Times Booklovers Convention, I’m going to take the opportunity to introduce you to another denizen of paranormal fiction–elves.
Yes, elves. And I’m not talking about Harry Potter house elves, Keebler cookie-making elves, or Santa’s little helpers. I’m talking about sexy Tolkien-type elves, only living in your town. Well, my town, which is Boulder, Colorado. But you could move here and then it would be your town, and you could hypothetically hook up with an elf, which is what Erin in my new book, Bound to Love Her, does.
Let’s take a moment to compare and contrast the world of elves and vampires, shall we?
Vampires exist in a palette of red and black. Now, don’t get me wrong–these are usually my two favorite colors to wear. But now that spring is here, we can branch out a little into yielding, petal pinks and turgid, earthy browns *fans face*.
It’s true, when our human gal Erin first meets Galan, she wonders why he’s dressed like a refugee from the Renaissance Faire. (Huzzah!) Still, she can’t help but admire his tall, elegant build, exotic features, and long, fair
hair.
Moving on…Vampires have pointy teeth. Elves have pointy ears.
Pointy teeth = snakes.
Pointy ears = bunny rabbits.
Which would you rather fondle? Which would you rather stake?
Your reading choice might boil down to what mood you’re in.
Fondling? Read me.
Staking? Read Colleen.
Between the two of us, there’s a book for every mood, or at least two moods – fondling and staking.
Vampires and elves both live until someone kills them. Who is killing them, in both cases? Humans! All right, so humans aren’t doing anyone any favors in my books. Basically, my elves live off the energy from wild lands, so humans are unknowingly driving them to extinction.
But in Bound to Love Her, Erin saves Galan from a traitor elf who is encouraging humans to develop land. Mysteriously, Galan starts getting his energy from Erin, so he has to stick close to her and learn that humans aren’t the bad guys after all. Isn’t that nice? What was my point again? Never mind.
Just like vampires, elves have the ability to hypnotize humans. It’s called glamouring, and they had it first. Bram Stoker’s Dracula? Published in 1897. Edmund Spenser’s The Faerie Queene? Published in 1590. Far be it from me to suggest that vampires are wannabe upstarts. I’m just pointing out some numbers that exist.
In conclusion, vampires aren’t the only woo-woo creature in Fictionland. Yes, I know there are werewolves, too. Okay, and demons and angels. Whatever.
Today we’re talking about elves. E. L. V. E. S. They’re lean, green, lovemaking machines, understand?
I’m glad we had this talk.
___________________
(Bound to Love Her is available as of May 6. You can find out more about Esri Rose and her elves at ElvesAmongUs.com.)
The second installment of the Gardella Vampire Chronicles takes Victoria to Venice and Rome.
My novel, 
April 16th, 2008 at 9:08 am
Hi Esri! Welcome. Oh, I know a ton of people who love, love, love Legolas from LOTR, and think he’s quite a hunk. Me? I’m an Aragorn girl. Elves for some reason evoke a “slightness” to me. But I’m more than willing to have my opinion changed.
How did you come up the idea of elves? Was it watching LOTR?
April 16th, 2008 at 9:49 am
MaryKate: It was watching LOTR that spurred the bok. I like me the pretty men (C’mon, kids. Admit that Mr. Depp is purty). I did beef Galan up for the purposes of general readership. He’s tall, with shoulders out to *there*. But it’s probably kismet that my security word for this post is “Sebastian.” Galan isn’t Mr. Angry Man with a Past. He’s Mr. Wry Previously Doomed Man with an Uncertain Future. The biggest thing Colleen and I have in common is action-adventure. We love us the ‘orrible villains and exciting standoffs.
April 16th, 2008 at 9:50 am
Yes, welcome! I really needed some funny this morning (and it’s not even nine yet), so thank you for delivering. Your book sounds like something I’d love to read. I will put it on my ‘to read’ list.
April 16th, 2008 at 9:55 am
Oh, and it’s nice to hear you’ve added to the standard male elven frame with a set of hunky shoulders. What would the other book heroes think?
April 16th, 2008 at 10:00 am
Amanda: Thanks for the vote of confidence! Yeah, I didn’t want the other romance heroes to make fun of Galan. He’s sensitive, you know, when he’s not plotting revenge and trying to get Erin in the sack.
April 16th, 2008 at 10:03 am
Hi Esri! Welcome!
Okay, I’ll admit . . . I’ve never thought of elves as sexy, but you have certainly peaked my interest with this blog. And your book sounds intriguing!
Off to check out your website . . .
April 16th, 2008 at 10:14 am
Andrea: Marta Acosta (author of Happy Hour at ‘Casa Dracula’ and blurber for my book) wasn’t sure she could get on board the elves train either, but she agreed to read it. Then she sent me this email, which I trot out especially for these occasions.
———–
BOUND TO LOVE HER contains lots of TOTALLY HAWT ELF ACTION. Galen is a WAY HAWT elf, I kid you not. He’s with this girl and they’re kind of stuck with each other, and she’s like, whoa, this pointy eared dude is SCORCHING HAWT. Stuff happens and it’s really awesome and Galen’s all nekkid and the magic just isn’t in his fingertips, if you know what I mean, and I think you do.
No, no need to thank me!
————————-
Although Galan is HAWT, there are only 2.5 sex scenes in the book, and they’re much more about emotion than plumbing.
April 16th, 2008 at 10:18 am
Mmmmm…elves and vampires, two of my favorite things (my blog used to be called fondofelves) and yes, I had a thing for Legolas…YUM! I think I prefer vampires … the bad boy thing, you know
April 16th, 2008 at 10:28 am
Janet: You’d probably like my villain, Fellseth. Fellseth to Erin: “I’m sure you think you’re doing good, but it’s like finding a baby bird and trying to keep it alive. There’s a lot of suffering and confusion, and the damn thing always dies anyway.”
April 16th, 2008 at 10:33 am
And I do think vampires are sexy. It’s that whole penetration thing (and not always consensual). But for those days when I’m looking for less kink and more luuuurve, the elves are waiting. It’s that twisty, teenaged lust you got from your very first crush — well, if your first crush involved a boy who seemed impossibly perfect.
April 16th, 2008 at 10:43 am
Cool and fun post!!!
My security word was vampire and yup I do prefer them…I think it’s the bad boy thing . However, elves are good too! Legolas is a close second to Aragorn for me(I’m with ya MaryKate)! 
I visit Marta’s site every day(it’s cool)and I think the email she sent you is great!
I definitely want to check out your book and I look forward to reading it! 
When I read “E.L.V.E.S.” - Elvis actually popped into my brain for a minute…while there is nothing “elfish” about him - I do love him, too!
I’m off to check out your site - thanks for visiting - it was a great way to start the day!
April 16th, 2008 at 10:47 am
Kristin: My blogstats tell me that almost every day, someone reaches my site by searching on ‘Elves Presley.’ It’s become an ongoing joke.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:03 am
Hey, I checked out your site - nice! - after work I’ll have to spend a little more time looking around. I’ve got to tell you the contest caught my eye…that is something I will have to put some thought into!
April 16th, 2008 at 11:10 am
Thanks for keeping us company, Esri! I have to say, your book sounds fascinating. I was first clued in about the sexiness of elves in Louisa Burton’s Grotte Cache books, and now I am all for some pointy-eared lovin’!
April 16th, 2008 at 11:11 am
Cool! And if anyone is looking for a longer excerpt, I took a page out of Colleen’s book (not her real book — that would be vandalism) and put up a recording of me reading the first chapter. You can find it on the Audio/Video tab.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:19 am
Rachel: Do Burton’s elves have long hair? I’m all about the long hair. I could watch Legolas flip his hair and kiss his horse *all day.* You know, I have a theory that nature always puts some imperfection in beautiful men. Tom Cruise has a big nose and is short (plus, he turned into a wingnut). Orlando Bloom is weedy. If they didn’t have these flaws — if they really *were* perfect, they’d tear the very fabric of the universe and wear it around their shoulders as a cape. And then where would we all be? Luckily, I’m not under any constraints. You can imagine my guys as perfect as you want.
Must check out Louisa Burton immediately, if not sooner.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:35 am
Glad to see ya’ll are having fun with Esri! She’s fabulous, and I’m missing her terribly here at the convention because she was my roommate for the other conference I attended last year. She was wonderful!
Not that my current roommate isn’t–she’s just as fabulous–but the convention just makes me think of Esri.
Anyway, MK, I’m an Aragorn girl too, trust.
–Colleen, coming to you live from a hotel in the midst of renovations. Ugh.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:41 am
Esri: Yup, long, blonde, beautiful hair. And the added feature of being able to switch between being male or female! Good times in the Burton books, which also contain sexy satyrs and Babylonian goddesses.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:44 am
Hmm I’ve read about Fairies but never about Elves. Maybe I need to think about changing that. I’ll have to look into this one
)
April 16th, 2008 at 11:44 am
Hi, Colleen! *waves wildly*
We did have the BEST time. Turned out Colleen and I are both clothes freaks, and could spend hours tweaking our outfits and hair. It’s a miracle we ever made it out of the room, frankly. So sorry about the renovations, sweetie. It’s a good thing I didn’t go if they’re painting. I’m horribly allergic, and no one wants to chat with someone who is coughing up big wads of phlegm. It’s just not very…romancey.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:46 am
Rachel: OMG, you are KILLING me! Wonder if I can get Angel Joe to read those out loud to me? Mercy.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:46 am
I love stories about elves. And I love your comparison Esri. I cannot wait to read your book!
April 16th, 2008 at 11:51 am
Yay, Cory! Elves rock, don’t they? There’s just something forbidden about them. They’re all pure an noble until you get them sweaty. Then the fun starts.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:53 am
Colleen, see? Kindred spirits you and me. I actually probably ruined a beautiful moment for my friend Amy when we went to see Return of the King because I busted out laughing when Legolas rocked the tiara for Aragorn’s coronation. Actually laughed outright. I got the dirty look from Amy.
Anyway, Colleen, hope you’re having a blast at RT. We miss ya though! So tell, is the bar really open??
April 16th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Esri, your book sounds great ! I just watched Return of the King yesterday, so I seen elves I thought of Legolas. He was always my favorite
April 16th, 2008 at 11:59 am
Oh, I see MaryKate was being *very* polite to me earlier. She scorns my Legolas! C’mon now, though. You just KNOW Aragorn has a hairy butt.
Colleen: “Well, we’ve enjoyed having Esri here, but now she has to leave.”
April 16th, 2008 at 12:00 pm
Yes, the bar is really open. But it’s freaking SMALL.
I mean, we’ve got 1000+ women who want to drink, plus a bunch of hot looking guys walking around (who want to win the Mr. Romance contest) and there’s, like, room for 30 people. Helllooooo!
Anyway, I saw Michelle B, who looks fab as always. We’re trying to hook up for a drinkie later today before my interview.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
Yesss, LindaK! See, my potential fans are a little late because they’ve been having beautiful dreams. I had to set an alarm.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:01 pm
PS Should I be offended that there are more comments today when I’m not posting then on the days that I do post?
Or is it a matter of when the cat’s away, the mice’ll talk about ELVES instead of VAMPS?
;-)
April 16th, 2008 at 12:02 pm
Esri, you would have loved being here for the costume balls. You’d be fixing my “Under the Sea Faery Ball” Gown for three hours. Yards, and I do mean, YARDS, of tulle.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Colleen: It’s a brouhaha. Later we may attain the status of “fracas.”
April 16th, 2008 at 12:03 pm
Colleen’s dress: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa! I want to be there for your prettiness prep!
April 16th, 2008 at 12:10 pm
Colleen: Who’s your interview with?
April 16th, 2008 at 12:17 pm
Oh, I see what’s happening now! Esri, you’re just trying to get the comments numbers up by posting each and every sentence/question separately!
I see and understand, you canny, conniving elf-lover!
April 16th, 2008 at 12:18 pm
Busted!
April 16th, 2008 at 12:21 pm
Look, now you’ve made them feel guilty about playing with me and they’ve all gone away. *settles down for a nice chat* So who’s your pick for Mr. Romance?
April 16th, 2008 at 12:29 pm
I haven’t met any of those guys yet…but I’ll let you know.
And don’t worry…they’ll be back!
I’m off to torture Max some more…er, I mean, get some writing done. I’ll check back later and make sure you’re all behaving.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:45 pm
Colleen - You be nice to Max, or I’ll have to mobilize Team Max to give you a talking to!
Have a great time with Michelle B.! Tell her hi for me.
*MK says primly*
Esri, I’m always polite to Colleen’s guests. And yeah, Aragorn may have a little hair on his butt, I’ll be glad to check that for you. Of course, Legolas’s butt is probably the size of Barbie’s. He does have her hair. ;o)
April 16th, 2008 at 12:50 pm
Hi Esri, welcome!!
The upside of elves: you don’t have to live at ungodly hours when you have business with them!! 
But, they can be trickier than most vampires…
April 16th, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Touche’! I actually have no probs with a cute and fuzzy butt, so that wasn’t TOO much of a diss. And I might as well make a deep, dark confession. I never watched past the first LOTR movie. *ducks* I know, I know, but there were all those gooey monsters, and it was scary! I’m going to remedy that this weekend, however. I realize that having not seen Aragorn kiss, I haven’t given him a fair shake. But I still like zee pretty mens. I wish to muss zem up.
April 16th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Mazoku: They ARE tricky, aren’t they? Galan, he’s very affectionate, but has the problem with commitment. Until he doesn’t.
April 16th, 2008 at 2:13 pm
Hi Esri! Waving to Colleen also!
I love the vamps and the elves. You know, variety being the spice of life and all that. It really just depends on what type of story I’m in the mood to read.
So Esri, elves are lean, green, lovemaking machines? I guess that does give new meaning to going green lol.
Hugs, Zara
April 16th, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Colleen, we on Team Pesaro do not take kindly to talk of torturing Max. Unless said torture involves him and Vix gettin’ up to all sorts of kinky business. Then we’re okay with it.
April 16th, 2008 at 2:56 pm
That’s right, Zara. When I say “green,” I’m just talking about the environmental subtext in the book. They’re not actually green. I never got hot for the Jolly Green Giant. He had pointy ears, right? What was up with that?
Holy vegetative organ, Batman! I just did an image search to check on JGG’s ears, and the link below is what came up. Despite being a picture of a gourd, I can’t say it’s exactly work-safe.
http://lovecarrots.wordpress.com/2007/10/03/whatever-happened-to-the-jolly-green-giant/
April 16th, 2008 at 3:45 pm
Sorry Rachel…didn’t mean to get Team Pesaro all stirred up!
Max is doing okay, now…all things considered.
April 16th, 2008 at 4:39 pm
Lol Esri! Well, Galan sounds like my kind of elf. An elvin hottie that is kind to the environment, who can beat that?
That gourd is sprouting some massive vegetation there lol.
And to Colleen, I’m glad to know Max is doing okay despite your torture lol. Just what are you doing to poor Max? My security word is MAXBABY, by the way. Just thought I’d put this out there, maybe Victoria needs someone to take care of Max for her. Maybe a character named, um, I don’t know, Zara? Hey a girl can try right?
April 16th, 2008 at 5:25 pm
Zara IS a good name… In fact, a little sparkly light just lit up over my head. Is this the same Zara that won last week’s “Put Words in Galan’s Mouth” contest?
April 16th, 2008 at 5:50 pm
Yes, It’s me Esri. I saw where Colleen was having you over today, and had to stop by to say hello.
I like your name also. It’s very pretty.
April 16th, 2008 at 6:01 pm
Well, hi! *waves and grins wildly*
I’m going to receive some author copies tomorrow or Friday, so I can send you your PRIZE. *runs away to email and ask how you want me to sign it*
April 16th, 2008 at 6:04 pm
It sounds like you’re having fun, Colleen! I hope someone is taking pictures.
Oh, and my security word is MAXBABY. Hmmm, a sign? heh
April 16th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Thanks so much Esri! I sent you an email back. I enjoyed chatting with you today!
April 16th, 2008 at 9:40 pm
Sounds like you have some great weekend plans - I think it’s imperative that you watch the rest of the LOTR movies!
The second one ended up being my favorite - maybe you should just go ahead and watch the extended versions right away. Sounds like everyone had a lot of fun on here today - can’t help but think of Max in the back of my mind though!!! 
April 16th, 2008 at 9:42 pm
I suppose I really should have had a
at the end of my last sentence.
April 16th, 2008 at 11:05 pm
Collen Glad to hear you are having Fun!
I love the hole Elf vs vampire thing! I love any thing Magical and mystical. sigh….Fun Stuff.
I am totaly going to have to get your Book Esri. It looks Great.
April 17th, 2008 at 12:30 am
Thanks to everyone for giving me such a good time.
I felt right at home.
Team Max, I have no privileged info whatsoever, but I believe you are destined for success. Team Sebastian, if that happens, come on over to Elf Central for a hit of oversexed golden boy.
And remember… E.L.V.E.S. Ask for them by name. My name, preferably.